Unhelpful habits can develop slowly, especially during times of stress, change or uncertainty. Learn how to recognise when a habit may be affecting your wellbeing, and what you can do to regain balance.
We all have habits. Some help us feel grounded, healthy and connected. Others may start as a way to cope, distract ourselves or get through a difficult moment — but over time, they can begin to affect our mental health, relationships, sleep, finances or daily life.
Unhelpful habits can include things like drinking more alcohol than usual, gambling, smoking, vaping, overeating, excessive screen time, withdrawing from others, avoiding responsibilities, or using drugs to cope. These habits do not mean you are weak or failing. Often, they are a sign that you are trying to manage stress, anxiety, loneliness, sadness or overwhelm.
The good news is that habits can change. The first step is noticing what is happening with honesty and self-compassion.
How do I know if a habit is becoming unhelpful?
A habit may be becoming unhelpful if it is starting to interfere with your health, relationships, work, study, finances or sense of wellbeing.
Ask yourself:
- Is this habit affecting my sleep, energy or mood?
- Am I feeling guilty, ashamed or worried about it?
- Is it making me withdraw from friends, family or activities I usually enjoy?
- Is it affecting my work, study or responsibilities?
- Is it causing financial stress?
- Is it creating tension in my relationships?
- Am I finding it difficult to cut back, even when I want to?
- Am I using this habit to avoid difficult feelings?
What feels manageable for one person may be harmful for another. The important question is not whether someone else would see the habit as “bad”, but whether it is affecting you or the people around you.
Deep down, many people know when a habit has started to cross a line. Noticing this is not a reason to judge yourself — it is a chance to pause and seek support.
Why do unhelpful habits develop?
Unhelpful habits often develop as a response to stress or emotional discomfort. When we feel anxious, lonely, bored, overwhelmed or upset, it is natural to look for relief.
A habit might offer comfort, distraction or a short-term sense of control. For example:
- having a drink to unwind after a stressful day
- scrolling on your phone to avoid difficult thoughts
- gambling for excitement or escape
- smoking or vaping when anxious
- eating sugary foods when tired or low
- avoiding people when you feel overwhelmed.
The more often we use the same behaviour to manage discomfort, the more automatic it can become. This is how a coping strategy can gradually turn into a habit that no longer serves us.
Understanding the “why” behind a habit can help you change it with more compassion and less shame.
What triggers your habit?
A trigger is something that prompts a behaviour. Triggers can be external, such as a place, person, time of day or situation. They can also be internal, such as a feeling, thought or memory.
To better understand your habit, try asking:
- When does this habit usually happen?
- Where am I when it happens?
- Who am I with, or who have I just spoken to?
- What am I feeling beforehand?
- What am I hoping this habit will help me avoid, numb or manage?
- How do I feel afterwards?
You might notice patterns. For example, you may drink more when you are lonely, gamble when you feel stressed about money, or scroll online late at night when you are trying to avoid anxious thoughts.
Seeing the pattern is an important first step towards changing it.
Practical ways to change unhelpful habits
Changing a habit takes time. It can help to start small, focus on progress rather than perfection, and seek support when you need it.
1. Notice your thoughts and feelings
When you feel the urge to engage in an unhelpful habit, pause and notice what is happening.
You could write down:
- what happened just before the urge
- what you were thinking
- what you were feeling
- how strong the urge felt from 1 to 10
- what you did next.
Writing things down can help you spot patterns and create a little distance between the urge and the action. It can also help you notice whether you are catastrophising, judging yourself harshly or using negative self-talk.
Instead of “I have no self-control,” try: “I’m feeling stressed, and this is the habit I usually turn to. I can choose one small different action right now.”
2. Talk it through with someone
You do not have to manage unhelpful habits alone. Talking with someone you trust can reduce shame and help you see the situation more clearly.
You might speak with:
- a trusted friend or family member
- your GP
- a counsellor or psychologist
- a support service
- a peer support group
- Lifeline, if you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Sometimes simply saying what is going on out loud can help calm the “inner storm” and make the next step feel more manageable.
3. Make the habit harder to access
One practical way to change a habit is to add distance between you and the behaviour.
For example:
- If you want to reduce alcohol, avoid keeping it at home.
- If you want to reduce late-night scrolling, charge your phone outside the bedroom.
- If you want to limit gambling, consider blocking apps or websites and removing saved payment details.
- If you want to reduce snacking, keep less helpful foods out of easy reach.
If you want to reduce smoking or vaping, avoid places or routines that strongly cue the habit where possible.
The harder a habit is to access, the more time you have to pause and choose a different response.
4. Replace the habit with something more supportive
It is often easier to replace a habit than to simply stop it. This is because the habit may be meeting a real need, such as comfort, stimulation, relaxation or connection.
Try asking: “What am I needing right now?”
Then choose a more supportive option, such as:
- going for a short walk
- calling or texting someone
- making a cup of tea
- doing a breathing exercise
- listening to music
- taking a shower
- writing down your thoughts
- doing a puzzle, craft or household task
- stepping outside for fresh air
- practising a short grounding exercise.
The replacement does not need to be perfect. It just needs to help you get through the moment in a safer or more helpful way.
5. Create structure and boundaries
Habits can become harder to manage when life feels unstructured or overwhelming. Creating simple routines can help your day feel more steady and predictable.
You might try:
- waking up and going to bed at similar times
- planning meals and breaks
- setting limits around work, screen time or social media
- creating a clear end-of-day routine
- scheduling movement or time outdoors
- setting regular check-ins with friends or family
- keeping certain spaces for rest, work or study.
Small boundaries can create a stronger sense of control, especially during stressful periods.
6. Find healthier ways to reward yourself
Many unhelpful habits are powerful because they feel rewarding in the moment. You may tell yourself, “I deserve this,” especially after a difficult day.
Rather than removing rewards altogether, try choosing rewards that support your wellbeing.
This could include:
- a relaxing bath or shower
- a favourite meal
- a new book or podcast
- watching a movie
- spending time in nature
- calling someone who makes you feel good
- doing something creative
- resting without guilt.
Healthy rewards can help you feel cared for without leaving you feeling worse afterwards.
Be kind to yourself while making changes
Changing unhelpful habits is rarely a straight line. There may be setbacks, and that does not mean you have failed. A setback can be useful information about what triggered the habit and what kind of support you may need next time.
Try to focus on curiosity rather than criticism:
- What was happening before the habit?
- What was I feeling?
- What did I need?
- What could I try differently next time?
- Who could support me?
Self-compassion can make change more sustainable. Shame often keeps habits hidden. Support helps bring them into the open.
When to seek extra support
It may be time to seek extra support if a habit is affecting your health, safety, relationships, finances, work or daily life.
You should also consider professional support if:
- you feel unable to cut back or stop
- the habit is causing distress
- loved ones have expressed concern
- you are using alcohol, drugs, gambling or other behaviours to
- cope with emotional pain
- you feel overwhelmed, hopeless or unsafe.
You can speak with your GP, a mental health professional, a specialist support service, or Lifeline.
Immediate support
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).
If reading this article has brought up difficult feelings, concerns about your wellbeing, or worries about a habit that is becoming hard to manage, you do not have to face it alone. Consider speaking with someone you trust, contacting your GP, or calling Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support.
You can also contact Lifeline by text on 0477 13 11 14 or chat online at lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat.
Support services
Lifeline
13 11 14
24/7 crisis support for anyone in Australia who is feeling overwhelmed, distressed or unable to stay safe.
National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline
1800 250 015
Free and confidential information, counselling and referral support for people concerned about their own or someone else’s alcohol or drug use.
Gambling Help Online
1800 858 858
Free, confidential support for people experiencing gambling harm, as well as family and friends affected by someone else’s gambling.
1800RESPECT
1800 737 732
Free, confidential 24/7 counselling, information and support for people impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.
MensLine Australia
1300 78 99 78
Free professional 24/7 counselling support for men with concerns about mental health, anger management, family violence, relationships, stress and wellbeing.
Local support
You can also visit our Get Help page to find local services available across the Northern Beaches, Mosman and Kirribilli area.
